littlepumpkinwizard

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August 12th 2025

Updated:. It's Tuesday. I'm back at work. Last weekend- two days ago- was Otakuthon. I honestly don't know where to begin. Thursday was good and hopeful. We got a lift there by Nin's brother. We set up all together so well. My table looked great. I was anxious and excited and everything. We got ramen and I was so, so proud and pleased.
Friday... Friday happened. It did not go great. I made around 350$. Not a lot of sales overall at all. I was slapped in the face by the lack of interest. So, so, so many people just barely gave me a glance. Most had no idea what I had drawn. Quite a lot who *did* look at my things looked pleased, or complimented it, and said they would come back- they never did. The table next to us sold thousands of dollars' worth so easily. I thought-n I thought, well, it's not yet saturday. tomorrow, we'll sell more. After all, Saturdays are the big sales. And all those people will come back.
They did not. I made around 150$ on Saturday, much worse than on Friday. There were so many people pointing at my things, looking happy, saying they would come back and did not. so many people recognises Jarlaxle. And then nothing for hours upon hours. The table next to me - both of them, actually, made way more. I just sat there like an idiot. I did three commissions. I think they liked it, idk. I wanted to die after saturday. Sunday was not better. I had no expectations and sold even less. Maybe 120$ if we are generous. We made a bingo, even. It was pathethic. It broke my heart.
Wanna know how many Jarlaxle I sold? O. I fucking sold none. None of everything. Only 3 people took Fields of Mistria things. I had dozens of them. I want to kill myself. I didn't break even of course. I was so, so stupid. All the other tables were better. My art might not be bad, but it sure as hell is unwanted. I was so delusional. I can't believe I let Nin hype me up and make more prints. I have hundreds of dollars' worth still in the fucking kitchen. People tell me I should be happy and proud stil. I want to kill them. They don't know how it felt.
My prices were surely too high. My art too niche. Not good enough. Pathethic. I am never going to attempt again. All the other poeple in the rally did so well. Saw a reel where someone made 5k at the con. I want to die. We're still broke. It failed. Failed. Just like I knew it would, deep down.
Nothing works, does it. It doesn't matter how much effort I put in this. Doesn't matter all the hours I spent watching videos, studying, preparing. All the money I spent on the gear, on the merch, on the fees, on EVERYTHING. It doesn't even matter how fucking hard I worked on the drawings themselves. I cannot fucking believe I gaslit myself that much. No one likes my shit. No one WANTS my shit. It was too expensive, not enough, not enough, not enough, not enough
What are you meant to do when your doubts are real? Nin knows how it felt. He knows how that has broken something in me. I don't think I'll ever get it back. I think about drawing and all I see are my posters over my head, unwanted, looked at, laughed at.
I'm getting nightmares about it. I want to die.
Pathethic.

July 30th 2025

Updated: A little of everything. It's not been good, it's not been great, and yet I am still alive. I've been thinking about death. And giving up. I can't yet, and there are days which are good, which feel right and bright, and then I break again I need to throw myself off a cliff.
I've decided to give up on being trans. It's brought me nothing but pain. This week I've stopped binding. I go to the women's bathroom. There is no question now in people's eyes. I'm a woman, as I have always been, for I cannot change that. I'll never be able to. No matter how much I want otherwise. That way, it'll hurt less when people call me her, madam, and all the others- it'll be right, as that's what I'll look like. I've been thinking of growing my hair once more. Then, I can tie it up and look like the woman I am. My chest will stop hurting. It is right. My death would be right too, but this is less dramatic. A death of the self. To be safe.
I'll go back to my old name if I change jobs or smth. Tell my dad and he'll be relieved and happy that his freak child is right once more. Maybe he'll give me more moeny then. It'll be safe again to travel and go places. In a few month wiht longer hair I'll stop looking weird and queer. It's only right to survive in this world. If not I fear I will kill myself. My end was set the moment I was born. I always knew I would die young. At the time I did not know why. Now I do. There is no place for those like me in this world. They want- no, they need me to die. That would be the only right thing that will ever happen in my life. Will this website even remain if I die? Surely, they'll shut my accounts, so no one will be paying for this to stay up. My work will disappear, like I've always wished it to be. No one was seeing it anyways. I can barely post and no one follow me. I don't want to be famous anyways. That was never one of my interests. I guess I just thought I could make somewhat of a chnage on someone far, far away that would stumble upon my website, or my stories. There won't be once I die. The notebooks I've filled will be destroyed or trashed, forgotten like I would be. I just hope I did in the water. I want to drown. Let the water take my soul like it was meant to.
We're broke anyways. Nin can't find a job.I work two. Nothing is working out. I can't ask my dad. He doesn't like Nin. Nin's family is broke too. I don't know what to do. I want to help him but I am tired of having to pay for everything. I don't want to give him anything from Otak. It's selfish, but this is my hard work and insanity, not his. I suppose I'll pay him a salary for helping me through out the weekend. I don't think we'll break even anyways.
It's stupid, all of it. Been reading more fanfic and it's so good it makes me dysphoric and want to die. Isn't that ironic. If I can't be like the men I read about, what's the point? I can't be like Zenith. I can only make try to be Sorn, who survives like I have to, but even then he is loved like a man, while I am not, I am this disgusting thing that makes me want to die. No one would love me, you know. Nin does his best. He tells me I'm no woman, but he lies. He lies all the time for me to keep me from breaking. I think I've grown tired to lying to myself. So I'm giving up, you see? These five years are just a blip. A phase. It's not, and it was not, but people won't care. I was never loved in the first place. Nin lies. He knows I'm no man and never was. I cannot be with this body. I cannot be. all those I see have changed. Grown. It's been five years for me and nothing has happened I am just fatter and my chest huts and my heart keeps breaking. Do you get it? don't you get it? No. You never will. That's the point. There is nothing in me but shapr shards from what has broken beyong repair. I cannot bear to think about meeting people and having to show myself as I am. I need to go swim, become strong and fit again, wear the cute correct clothes and jewlry, stop trying to fit where i do not, I am sorry friedns who believed me when they should not have, they should have told me all this time ago that it would not be worth it. I should have kept it all a secret- what change would that make, honestly? Nin knows, and that's it, even if he lies. The body I want does not exist- it cannot exsit. It's words on a page, something in my imagination which does not belong in the real world. No, I cannot look like those Ir ead about, or thsoe I draw, or those I create- these bodies ARE NOT REAL WHY DON'T YOU GET IT, JAMES? Even this name- it was never meant to be said. I am nothing., Nothing like Zenith, nothing like Sorn, or any others I've tried to make like me, because they do not exsit like I do, and if they did, they would cry for me and kill me themselves just to spare me, don't you see? WHY DO YOU NOT BELIEVE ME no one ever did. No one still does.
Oh, look at the loser having a breakdown in the journal of their archives. Well guess what. No one will find this. There is no link to this page. Only I know where it is. And even if they did- who cares. No one important would find this. I'm not getting a job through this stupid shit. Nin isn't finding this. He doesn't know. And that leaves what, Charles? Ha, they're not digging into this either, and if they do, I hope it makes them feel nothign and then close the page. I know they lie to me too, I know how they truly feel about things. I know when thye lie- no one believes me, no one really undertsand how much I pay attention, how much I watch. Always. No wonder I have OCD.
Besides, I've been havign these breakdowns for years. Just scroll donw, dear reader!! See how nothing's chnaged. I'm just odler and angrier. Angrier at myself for letting myself believe anything could change. always it hapepns. Now I hope it'll stop. It'll all stop when it ends. There is no future for me. I am pathethic. I want the little things which will not save me. I plan all but the world will kill me itself. I am just waiting. It'll happen. I'll miss you then, dear website, dear reader, who does not exist, for how could you, when this section doesn't exist either? Just like myself. Maybe I am lying. Maybe this is all a lie and you do not know that for sure, dear reader, because you do not know me, and never will, and in a few years, this will be washed from your mind by the riptide of memory, and then I'll rest for real, havign left nothing behind, as I always was meant to.
Don't worry. Don't worry, I said. You won't miss me. Not too long, that's for sure. And I won't miss you either- we've never met. Maybe I'll miss the waves. Songs. Dreaming. A warm meal. Maybe I won't miss anything at all.
Otak's next week. I've spent too much on this to make any money back. I know it won't work. I can kill myself after Otak. Once it's over. I think I'll buy a one wya ticket somewhere beautiful. Nin thinks I'm going insnae. I may be. I'm fine. I'm dramatic. I'm lying. but you're lying too, aren't you? You say poor me, you pity me, mayeb you even beleive me about it all. you're wrong. I don't want you. Go away. This isn'T for you. Don't you get it? No, you never did. Never never nver. There will be nothing left of the real me soon, you know? Then, you won'T know me even if you do. Isn't that nice. Isn't that poetic.

July 12th 2025

Updated: Fanart, Otak, DnD and Mad Mage. And just like that, two months pass in a blur. It's summer now, having arrived slowly and now it's so hot. It was my birthday, in June, and we played a Digital devil survivor oneshot. My guy, Henry, had a Jack Frost friend, a true hee-ho.
I got badly injured in my wrist again in June from drawing too much for Otak in May. My first big order of prints was made in June. I even saved a turtle on the way back. I was unable to spend the money required to make the keychains I wanted. I preferred to focus on cheaper stickers and prints. It'll be fine, even if money's kinda rough right now. No one wants to hire Nin. I'm getting a second job again at Novatech, though these last months were bliss without having to worry about translation again.
I'm happy, mostly, though June was hard and I did almost end it all. No attempts, of course, but there were times where I knew I could do it, you know? I feel better now. I've given myself Otak as a deadline for everything. I can die after.
I joined a dnd oc stamp rally and now I know some people and artists. It's them which I mostly attacked during artfight. I hope we can become friends, you know? I'm proud of the work I've been doing for Otak. My Fel'rekt and Jarlaxle posters are dear to me. Zenith and everything else I've created in Menzoberranzan feels realer than ever to me.
Wrote a 30k fic on a Pit Fighter AU with Zenith, Svetlana and Llwyd while I couldn't draw due to my injury. Been writing other little short stories around Zenith and Menzoberranzan. It keeps me alive all the way. They are real in my head.
Been reading more, too, so that's good. Nin helps with my OCD. We've begun talking of it as the Council, since there are constantly voices in my head lol.
This update of the website's a big one, cause I finally became a supporter to back all my things onto my website, so I'Ve had to add and code-in dozens of drawings. I feel proud of my hard work. There are truly some gems in there. I cannot wait to get my second print order next monday, which will include a bunch of stickers. I even set up a money payment on my phone. It's all coming together. I hope we make a few thousands. We need it. Like, a lot.

May 14th 2025

Updated: Various. Anniversary on the 6th- we went to the Insectarium, it was great. I want to draw some beetles.
I worked very hard on my Otakuthon application early April. Then, on May 3rd, I got my answer: Yes. I'm going to Otakuthon. This Year. It's real. I've added Nin as my helper. I'm going to sign the contract soon. I've been working on it since the "yes", slolwy going insane. Ordered a bunch of keychains to test but it's so slow. There is so much to do. I can't believe it.
Mostly been working on that, fanart and other projects for Otak. Unsure where I'll go to make my prints. Unsure about everything, in fact. My head's so full all the time.

April 8th 2025

Updated: Mad Mage, Countdown, others. I hesitate still bewteen extreme motivation and wishing to destroy it all. Been having lows and highs since the last bad entry. I'Ve removed this journal section from the about section. I've been applying to zines and using this website as a portfolio of sorts. I wouldn't want someone to walk on over to the "about" and see me being suicidal. Those struggles are my own.
Tried printing some of my art a few weeks back. Caused me to spiral hard. Barely have naything worth printing. Yet, I still want to try to apply to Otakuthon this year. The deadline is in a few weeks. As well, been applying to zines. I hope I get into one, I want to be part of something so bad.
It was Nin's birthday about a week and a half ago. It was lovely. Played dnd twice in a row, Charles even tried DMing. then we had good foods and I bought them gundams. They were happy. Very. I'm glad I matter in a tiny way.

March 12th 2025

Updated: Mad Mage, Xaryxis, Countdown. what the fuck am i doing. This is going nowhere. It's been going nowhere for years. I should've followed what my parents wanted and become an engineer. I should've stayed in school. I should've died all those years back when it first got too much.
this can't be a life. this can't be all. Why is it so. Why doesn't it stop. I work work work work work work and then nothing because there is nothing, never will be, i don't know what to do, if he wasn't there I would be gone, the whole world wants me dead and they are right for it, i am an abberation and no matter how smart i am, it won't work, nothing will, so may as well give up and lay in the grave myself, no?
I've had enough. I hope that when i die, I can choose again, and that I'll be born right this time.

January 11th 2025

Updated: Waterdeep, Mad Mage, Xaryxis, 2024 Wrap-Up Another year completed. I took great effort to have all my 2024 works organised in the right pages. It was quite satisfying. Everything is stored correctly, even the og docs and the unfinished sketches.
I have drawn so freaking much for Waterdeep. I am nourished. I thrive. I am getting so much better. I adore it. Took great pains to make another page "Mad Mage" for the new year even if technically we aren't there yet. Soon though, can't wait.
we've begun thinking of re-running Xaryxis with new characters and of course Charles who has not played it yet. I did a redeisgn (small) of Ithren. I am excited.
I hope this year I get to draw a lot again. May this year be good to us all.

December 4th 2024

Updated: Waterdeep! End of Infinite Staircase Waterdeep is mainly what I've been drawing. An exception would be an Arcane-inspired protrait of Strahd. We finished Infinite Staircase! I think I was able to give it a great ending, just like my players wanted. They ranked the one-shots, and most were S or A tier, which means they really loved it.
Waterdeep feels right. There is so much cool stuff to draw. I adore Zenith and all our party. So many secrets and shenanigans. So many memes. The page grows. I think I may end up with more Waterdeep art than Planescape, even. Wow. I have noticeably gotten better with speed and lineart. I draw much faster and better thna before. However, my shading still sucks, as I have no interest in it lol. Maybe one day I'll take a class on it.
Wrote a shitton for my Transformers fanfic. Gonna hopefully finish it.

November 15th 2024

Updated: Waterdeep Stuff, Transformers So much has happened. So fast life passes.
Did more Ouroboros. Then, I feel head-first into Waterdeep, creating Zenith and his story, which of course came with plenty of art. I love him a lot. I think he's complex and interesting. His backstory's great and I'm very proud of all the art I've done.
It's hard to remember all that has happened. I feel weak sometimes. Hard to focus. Work's busier.
Haven't drawn in a few weeks, but it's for a good reason: I've been writing again. I rarely can focus on both writing a lot and drawing a lot; all my creativity goes in one medium or the other. Nin and I have fully fallen into Transformers. I love it. We watched One of course as well as Prime and other stuff. I love Starscream the best, for obvious reasons.
Been writing this Transformers Fanfic for the past three weeks. I'm at 55k words now. It's the fastest I'ver ever written that much. In fact, I doubted I was able to even write long form content after The Nameless Court all those years back. But I can, and it's good, I think. I can't stop thinking of it. Makes the days pass faster.
I've been reading a lot too! It's fanfic, but I enjoy it greatly. I am publishing my fanfic too, slowly but surely. Nin's been wirting too, which is a delight.
November always feels like a haze.

September 23rd, 2024

Updated: Main Page, Planescape Art, Ouroboros Planescape's over. Ixora had a happy end with Vàli. I'm happy. Still gotta make a devil version of him.
We have begun playing through Infinite Staircase. It's going good, I think. It's always harder to tell if things are going well when I am the DM. I play the twins well, at least. We've gone through three full one-shots now. Beyon the Crystal Cave is next. I am delighted that they haven't figured out what it going on with the letters. Needs a bit more work to make the Gardener even spookier.
I took time to organise the art of Ouroboros into neat little columns. I like the look it gives. As well, I created a carousel of images for the main page header. It looks way nicer now, adding a profesional look, though I know my art does not look professional in the slightest. Oh well, I am trying.

August 27th, 2024

Updated: Planescape Art / Ouroboros Drew so much more planescape art. Did an animatic for Ourobors/PAS, which we will play one day after Infinite Staircase. IS is next after Planescape. We are finishing Planescape this week-end, I am terribly, terirbly excited. I asked for Ixora's mom to show up and perhaps even the Betrayer. Am very curious about Lotus' past and of course Vali. I have so, so much Valixora art, now. I love them dearly. I feel more alive when I am Ixora than when I am not. Ixora feels more real than my daily life. How am I supposed to continue on when I am an abberration like this? I wish I did not hate myself so, but truth is truth. At least Ixora is going to get his happy ending. He deserves more than me as he is everything I am not and wish I was. Please, gods why did you make me this way? Was I never meant to be enough?
Otakuthon was very fun. Got a lot of cool new merch. I wish I had gotten a table in time.
I have made my character and his backstory for PAS. He's called Ithren Ciel, and has conflicting memories. He's an oracle infected by a strange mechanical virus, which is slowly transforming him into a cyborg. He foresaw that one day, he would be used by a foreign entity to wreak a grat tragedy of great destruction, and has tried since then to stop that, to no avail. i am interested in making Ithren fascinated with Freia, as his body is not within his control and finds her experimentations almost holy. I've therefore been making a bunch of art for him, as well as Freia and her lovers, Lucille and Vania. The real toxic yuri.

July 26th, 2024

Updated: Planescape Art / Infinite Staircase Didn't do many art attacks, but that doesn't mean I haven't drawn. Did a lot of planescape pieces and fun art. Getting better at comics and framing compositions I think.
I made a new page today for a campaign I'll be DMing, Quests from the Infinite Staircase. It's a seriesof oneshots and will be more chill to DM than Crown of Oberon. The one-shot of Council of Seasons were fucking amazing, way beyond my expectations. Loved every second of it, and so did the players. :)
My current big project's a Lily of Oberon animatic. Made the film with sketches, now I need to actually draw the frames. There's around 85, so it'll take a while, but slowly I'll get it done. It's fun, and Lily deserves it. Nin's very excited about it, whihc warms my heart.
Otakuthon's next week; I'm so excited. I'm going to get so much art. As well, I wanna try making creature/enemy designs and stuff for a portfolio, but idk if the motivation will stay. One thing at a time I suppose!

July 8th, 2024

Updated: Writing Tab / Planescape Art / Artfight has begun It's July; Artfight begins! I've already run out of people to attack, which is silly cause I only did 3 drawings. Still, I got nice comments, so I guess my art can't be that bad. I had fun with them, I think. Put a lot of work and care in Zansu, for afoolsdeath, who I admire a whole lot. Yet, I remain unnoticed by the great people, and of course no one has attacked me. Sucks I guess. Took a few days offto ease my wrist a bit.
Running Council of Seasons right now. It went well, I think and hope. There's a little bit more, we'll see how it goes. I updated the website a bit, not sure if it works. I don't have much tangible skills safe for random projects I've made that don't translate well to real life projects. I do write, and I do draw, but not enough or good enough to get a real job I think. Raah, I've just saying the same things every freakin' month. When will I finally get courage??

June 19th, 2024

Updated: Lady's Game - Planescape Art Updated a lot of art for the Planescape campaign which we have now played three sessions of. It's a blast and honestly drives me forwards. With this campaign, my brain has really been thinking in comics, and I've experimented a lot with them. I made one 1page comic about Ixora, two 3pages comic about Ixora training with Valient and Cloud as well as one (which I am in the works of) 7 page comic of a snippet of Valient's backstory. It's a blast, and has really pushed me to think differently about how I draw. I feel like I'm getting better with each comic. They're still really sketchy, and the shading could be better, but they work so well as proof of concept and conveying feelings.
I don't feel like the others care too much about my art, so I'm keeping most of it to myself, with some updates for Nin of course. They're really nice about it, though I feel like it isn't warranted. I don't know how my comic version is supposed to match the epics in their head, you know? It's the same thing I get when thinking about posting my art online. Honestly, I just want to keep it all to myself. No one would care anyways.
No matter, I suppose. Can't wait for Ixora to die and come back with a different design. I've been thinking of redesigning Ixora-Darkling's outfit. I keep thinking I'll have to draw it in comics and other scenes I'll want to illustrate, and it doesn't feel right. Aiming for a more covered look, like with Ixora-Shadar-kai's hood and stuff, which really matched his personality. Ixora-Darkling will be way more extroverted, though it hides trauma and pain. They're a bit more confident than Ixora-Shadar-Kaiand hopefully I hope I can made him a bit different than the previous version.
It's my birthday soon. 24! I'm not getting any younger, huh. With every year I get less confident about my art. To think that 4 years ago I was trying to open a shop to sell prints. I suppose it was easier when I lived at home and had money to spare. I don't want to sound like a downer evertime I write an update. I *have* been improving. I can see it, looking at art I made a year ago. It's just not fast enough, I feel, and I know it's cause I keep drawing things that matter to me and not doing studies or good shading and things urgh. It's my dream to have a table at Otakuthon, but I literally am not built for it. I'd die three hours in. And besides, who would want my shitty dnd oc art that no one knows of?
Maybe I'm just not enough. Maybe this *is* just a hobby. What a fool I am, huh?

May 27th, 2024

Updated: Council of Seasons [Higher Courts Project] - Finished Finished all 21 concepts of the Higher Courts for Council of Seasons. Some are much better than others, but I'm kinda stunned that I was able to finish all of them. They'll be great to use in my actual one-shot.
Two days ago, we started Planescape. It was a lot of fun. I hope I get more of a grasp on who Ixora is as we continue to play. It's a real thrill to know you can die and come back at any moment. They kinda cooked here ngl.

May 9th, 2024

Updated: Council of Seasons [Higher Courts Project] Scared I'll hurt myself again. Wrist is a bit tense. Did more concepts for Council of Seasons. It's fun, but sometimes it feels like I just do the same thing over and over and over. When will I actually get better. Never, I suppose. Wish I was meant for something.

May 3rd, 2024 - Anniversary Year 1 !

Updated: Crown of Oberon, Planescape, Council of Seasons [Higher Courts Project] I haven't made a real update to this section since January. It feels weird, I guess. I got better after March, finally feeling okay. It was very hard. Didn't make as much art during that time- not to punish myself, but because I physically could not. The idea of creating anything made me sick. I healed, of course. And now here I am. Time never stops.
I've updated the usual archives. I got badly injured in the second half of April, in the wrist and arm again from typing/drawing too much. A classic. Thankfully working at a physio comes in clutch. Had to stop translation work for a long time. But now I can finally draw again! Got the okay last Tuesday a week and a half ago. I've been getting so many drawings out of my system.
I really wanted to try tabling at Otakuthon and missed the deadline to apply by one day. I'm pretty disappointed with myself. I wouldn't have been accepted anyways. I got no fanart to sell.
We finished Crown of Oberon! It feels weird that it's over. After a full year of writing, it all came to a close. It was really, really fun. I'm proud of myself. One day, I'll print it out.
I worked on a big comic in the world of Crown of Oberon. 10 pages. It's not as good as the CoS one cause it has less action, but I think there are good feelings and writing in there. Who knew I would end up making comics.
Also, Happy Anniversary of making this website, I guess! I love this place. It's a part of me. If I die, I'm thankful this existed. I hope it'll always exist, and one day, someone wanders here, and gets a glimpse into who I was.
A few days back, I watched a video called "Art for No One", and it really affected me. It talked about art that is meant and created for no one to experience or see. Artists who simply made and created things, never to be discovered. Paintings on walls. A vault meant never to be opened. A city build from cement never intended to have visitors. Things that just exist, that are full of soul, of shards of those who created them, which will never affect anyone- because why would they have to affect anyone? Isn't it enough, to let something out that will never been experienced? A piece of soul joining back the universe.
In a way, I feel like this echoes this website. The art here, from the actual drawings to the website I coded from scratch... It is not intended for anyone. Sure, someone may see my portfolio for a job in twelve years when I finally gather the courage to apply somewhere. But they won't touch the archives. They won't peruse the thousands of words about my OCs. They won't experience the drawings I made in the last years that I never published anywhere. Only my lover knows of this website, and even they don't peruse it. They've seen parts of it, but haven't really grasped my archives, my work, the code that makes the skeleton of this body of work.
I don't intend on publishing my drawings anywhere, nor the content of the rest of the archives. They are not for anyone. They're barely for me. This website is for no one.
Hells, these updates were never meant to be read either. No one will find them. And I simply do not care. Somewhere, there exists things that a sole person knows of its existence. And that's okay if this is one of them.

April 4th, 2024

Updated: Navigation Bars Finally fixed the navigation bars and the side bars so that there is one code linked to all the pages. Will be very efficient for the Art Archive especially.

February

I give up.

January 15th, 2024 - V.2.2

Updated: Curse of Strahd and Crown of Oberon
Woah! I've been updating this website every week or so with my new art, but I forgot to update this! It's been over a month and a half since the last entry... In december, I began playing a Curse of Strahd campaign! I play as August, my sorcerer from beyond the planes. This has been an insane inspiration for me, and I've made so, so much art of it. That means that I created a Curse of Strahd page. I even made my first few little comics for August and Rictavio, and eventually, a real, big, 9-page comic of them!!! I'm very proud. I love August and Rictavio so much.
This weekend, we also begun Crown of Oberon, which I DM. I've made some art for some homebrew NPCs, so of course I created a Crown of Oberon page
My brain has been utterly consumed by Curse of Strahd so expect more dnd art and nothing else. The great thing with that is that I am continuing to improve my skills the more I draw!! :)

November 29th, 2023 - V.2.1

Updated: Merch Page
In the last two weeks or so I've been drawing little keychains designs that I would love to create for a possible merch alley in 2024. The dream would be Otakuton, though I doubt it'll come to fruition lol as we are kind of broke even with me working full time. Anyways, I've added a Merch Page to host some of my designs. I like them a lot, and the page makes the drawings feel more concrete.
I have high hopes for 2024. I wanna set some realistic goals for the next year, which approaches quite rapidly. My dream would be to do one art market, either a convention or something smaller. That would only happen if I have the budget to, but I would really, really like to. I'd like to draw a bit more fanart too, and maybe take an art class. I'll think about it.

November 17th, 2023 - V.2.0

Updated: 2021-Prior Art Archive + Banner Card for Art Archive
Felt randomly motivated this morning and completed my Art Archive. I added most of my favorite works that I did in 2019, 2020 and 2021. There is more in my folders, but I didn't want to tank my storage for the website. It took ages to code in all the images, but it looks amazing. Plus, I am very happy of my past works regardless of how they look, for I remember the joy they brought me and the care I put in them.
I've also added a banner card to the main page of the Art Archive with Florence on it. It's not the best work ever, but it's cute and fills in the empty space nicely. My website is so full of glorious things! Ha, I am very proud.
Since I have officially finished coding in the Art Archive with all my works, I have decided to call this version of the website 2.0! The aesthetic is still space+blue+Synth, as I haven't gotten tired of it yet. Maybe sometimes in the next year I'll change it, but for now I am more than satisfied by it.

November 16th, 2023 - V.1.95

Updated: OC Icons
I have created a bunch of cute little chibi icons of my OCs for theOCs main page. Each little portrait is related to their corresponding OC's journal page, or archive to be accessed in my website. I did them quickly, but they look oh so very cute! Technically I still haven't written anything for Theo's journal but shhhhh- no one knows. After all, this website is for me mostly. I haven't sent CVs in ages and no zine every recruits me. As far as I know, only I and my partner have seen this hard work. It doesn't bother me much. I made this, and it exists, and it's out there. Isn't that beautiful enough?
I've began filling a sketchbook! It is very, very fun. It distracts me from working on "bigger" digital pieces, but it is so very refeshing to work in. I feel like it's bringing my creativity back. I also bought two ink pens and two markers, which are fun to use in it. I don't think I'll ever be a traditional material artist, but it's satisfying regardless.

November 10th, 2023 - V.1.9

Updated: Art Archive Set Up - 2024
I have set up the 2024 sections for the Art Archive, as well as a new "Studies" category for 2023. Of course, it is not yet 2024, so those pages are empty, but I am excited to fill them out. Besides, I love updating my website with new sections and art.
I took a small break after OC_tober, but I can't stop drawing lol so I've been doing studies warm-ups and then some OC art to ease back in. I coloured a Sol drawing and I love it a lot. The skin shading is really strong (for my art at least) and the wings finally look like wings!
I've been watching a lot of videos on youtube by Sketches of Shay. They make these very cozy sketchbook videos and art videos. They draw traditionally and digitally, and paint with gouache and acrylic! It's frankly super inspiring. Their art is so good! I love their flowers and characters. Plus, they use really cheap sketchbooks and cheap art supplies, which is definitely something that I could do. I plan to buy a small sketchbook and try to sketch more in the next year. I sketch a lot, but not a lot on paper, and I think that focusing on a paper sketchbook and then psuh them further digitally. Here's their channel, if you're ever interested.

November 1st, 2023 - V.1.8

Updated: OC_tober Challenge Gallery
Small update where I added the OC_tober page, which compiles all the oc art I made during October 2023. This page is hosted in the Art Archive. I also put all those art pieces in the corresponding archive categories, such as dnd 2023.
I am pretty proud of myself, as I made 23 full drawings in October! The style is still sketchy, but I feel like I've truly been improving. I am leagues away from what I want my art to look like, but it feels great to know that I worked so hard on my skills this month. Maybe next year I'll be able to complete all 31!

October 10th, 2023 - V.1.7

Updated: The Writing Archive!
Another big update: the Writing Archive! I archived four of my writing works, some of which starring some OCs.
As well, I updated my Art archive and the main artpieces of my portfolio. Added extra buttons to access the writing archive more easily. Last update in the end of September, I had finished all journals except Theo's! I am also adding links throughout this "about" to better access things.

September 20th - V.1.6

Updated: DnD OCs Backstory Archive
Took the time to archive all the backstories and stories I've written for dnd characters over the last five to six years. Not all of it is good, but seeing it all immortalised in one place warms my heart.
Also updated Sol and Matias' pages. Planning to fill in Oliver, Florence and Theo's Journals soon.

September 18th - V.1.5

Updated: Art Archive Creation
I created a whole new art archive for all my works 2020-2023 in the last week! Today, I finished setting up the whole 2022 and 2023 archive, each separated in different titles. I love it.
My keychains came in last Thursday! They look frickin' amzing!!!! I have one on my backpack. It was such a good feeling to know that this object that I hold in my hand exists solely because of me.

August 23rd - V.1.4

Updated: Over the last two weeks, I've been writing parts of Florence's story.
I added new works to the main portfolio page and shuffled existing artworks to offer better focus to my strong suits.
I ordered some keychains and am testing making prints of my art. Hopefully one of them is successful enough...
I'm kinda feeling like making a new banner, but idk. The Xaryxis theme is close to my heart still.

August 8-9th - V.1.4

Updated: I wrote a part of August's diary a few days back. Now I am developping pages for Ida, Matias and Sol, as well as Florence. I've mostly done the formatting for those pages. Now to write it all haha.
Fixed a few formatting details.
I can't figure out why the font is different between version dates in this "about" section.

July 31st, 2023 - V.1.3

Updated: I've written Synth's Travel Log. There are five entries, some of which have little drawings accompanying them. It was really fun. I've also added an epilogue for Synth that I wrote a few months back from Sorrow's perspective.
I've added the "legend" for Ida, Sol and Matias and decorated their page :)

July 26, 2023 - V.1.2

Updated: Main page art pieces. Now shows more designs for Matias, Sol and Synth. I have designs for Ida too, but I'm not satisfied with it yet. Maybe for the next update?
I've been getting better, but I feel like there is so much stuff I can't show cause it's not "official" good quality, like sketches, art fights and other redraws. Speaking of, I tried doing Art Fight this year! I alas got wounded for the first two weeks of July in my wrists from drawing too much, so I couldn't draw a lot, but I did two art pieces after which I like. Maybe next year I'll make more.
I'll work a bit on the OC stuff.

June 19-20, 2023 - V.1.1

I wanna work on the OC pages soon enough.
I created this log as a mini-journal, to see how well I progress with this website.
Since I'm still tweaking a few things here a there to make sure the website holds itself well, I've named this 'Version 1.1'. I think Version 2.0 will be when I am done with this June update. I've been drawing a lot in the last few weeks, so this coding is a nice change of pace. Plus, this shows off my coding abilities to potential employers, which I think will help me out quite a bit.
I've updated my portfolio with new art pieces I've made in the last month and a half. There's quite a lot, which I am very proud of!
I've been bored of the previous design, so I changed my banner to Synth. As well, the whole website has turned purple, blue and white, with stars in the back. It gives it a starry, galactic atmosphere, which I adore. Playing through Xaryxis really developped my love of space and its mysteries.
I finally figured out why the music player wasn't playing: you need to allow your computer to play music through Neocities. Once that's allowed, the player works perfectly! I had to change its colour to purple, but that was easy enough.

May 2023 - V. 1.0

This website's first version is created as a way to host my portfolio. The original design had a red, blue and black colour scheme, with Alucard in the header.

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